Interrupting Depression: But being numb feels better than taking care of myself…

I’m struggling with an anxiety/depression cycle (again).  Part of the problem is that when I take care of myself, I feel my anxiety or depression more acutely than I did before I started taking care of myself.

Numbness.  It’s comforting.

I try to tell myself that it takes energy to feel numb, not the deadness of full-blown depression, but just pleasantly numb.  Functional.  And I can’t burn that energy on numbness if I want to interrupt the cycle.

But wouldn’t it be better to just wait the cycle out?  

I never do, though.  I just turn numbness up to eleven and stop taking care of myself.

I see you, depression and anxiety.  My eyes are on you.  And I’m going to take care of myself, whether you like it or not.  I took a shower this morning, bitches…

Like this post?  Then do me a favor and check out Alice’s Adventures in Underland, a short historical fantasy novel about Alice Liddel and Charles Dodgson, gentleman zombie.

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