Okay, so now I’ve defined what an asshole is. The next thing to define is why.
Why assholes?
If they’re so bad, so insidious, and so destructive, why do they even exist?
Isn’t natural selection supposed to get rid of traits that are bad for the survival of the species?!?
(No, by the way; natural selection is the result of traits that are bad for passing on one’s genes…and assholes are good at passing on their genes. Thankfully not everyone with asshole genetics turns out to be a fucking asshole.)
What purpose or role do assholes even serve?
Let’s go back to the idea that assholes are bootlickers and rephrase that.
What purpose or role do bootlickers serve?
Bootlickers support systems of power.
Okay, that’s not quite true.
Most of the time, they infiltrate systems of power and find ways to get the most benefit out of them with the least cost. Usually that de facto means “supporting” a system, but sometimes that means dismantling the system and stealing whatever small piece of it you can get away with.
It doesn’t matter that the collapse of the system screws assholes over just like everyone else, by the way. They aren’t conscious of the consequences of their actions.
“It’s everyone else’s fault. I just took advantage of what was happening.”
Assholes make great volunteers, employees, and lovers. At first. They show up and do the job that nobody else wants to do. They just want to help. They’re reliable. They tell everyone how amazing their organizations, bosses, and partners are. They’re often very funny, in a sarcastic, insulting way that relieves the pressure of the group around them. They love to be seen as invaluable. They love to be seen as hard workers and super-competent. They can even seem pretty creative, as in, they can create stuff as long as it doesn’t require any kind of deep introspection or questioning of rules. (The only question about rules an unmitigated asshole has is, “Why should this apply to me, though?”) They have memories like a computer for anything that will help them get ahead in a group. They come across as polite most of the time.
For most organizations and relationships, most of the time, that’s all that’s needed.
Most assholes fly under the radar; they’ve learned that most people will weigh benefits versus costs in a really superficial way, and overlook unethical behavior as long as it’s seen as unimportant relative to the benefits the asshole brings.
But remember:
ACCOMMODATING UNMITIGATED ASSHOLES IS NOT A LONG-TERM VIABLE STRATEGY.
Assholes always take more than they give. The sneakier ones are just selective about who they take from, and how.
Assholes will have at least one person or group (usually many) that they abuse, either overtly or covertly.
They have to.
They’re not conscious that their bootlicking is disgusting overall as such. (They’re winning, after all.) But they do know that actually having to lick boots is unpleasant, and someone needs to pay for making them do that on a daily basis.
Unmitigated assholes will ensure they have a supply of victims adequate to reinforce their fragile feelings of “winning.”
Here’s the thing:
No number of victims is adequate.
The number of victims will always increase.
And eventually unmitigated assholes will attempt to pull apart any system they have infiltrated in order to eviscerate it for parts, because ass-kissing is unpleasant, and after a while they feel like the system “owes” them.
Small advantages that are not in their own long-term best interest is the operating model of all unmitigated assholes.
And when an unmitigated asshole acquires power via a system, they will tend to treat everything they control as resources to exploit.
You are nothing but a tool to them.
Even if—especially if—you’re another asshole.
You can find the Asshole Mitigation Plan series outline here.
