Adventures du jour!
Yesterday I got through most of the scene in my WIP that was giving me the fits, by heading into a sore spot for poor Goth Girl. My subconscious roughly reminded me that this is a therapy book and I spent a couple of hours last night crying and writing. There’s a piece of myself that got cut off after prolonged exposure to the ex and his various types of fuckery, and I had to use part of the damage for the story. I may talk about it later, but it’s too raw right now. I hadn’t realized it was as big of a deal to me as it apparently is. What a mess.
I went to bed still upset, sad and grieved, and something weird happened: my solar plexus let go.–I may have to start talking in terms of chakras or something. Anyway, the thing under my rib cage that feels like it’s full of burning hair a lot of the time stopped doing that. If it had a flavor, it would be this brown sugar boba tea thing (tons of cream, sweet, bitter from the tea, savory/nomnom from the boba) that I had at a boba/sammitch place in Brandon recently. Fucking what. I was still upset, and I still am.
This morning: none of the whole-body pain that I’ve been dealing with over the last few days, but my head hurts like the devil, my shoulders are tight as fuck, and my whole body feels weird (rubbery?) and exhausted. If this is anything like when my neck let go, in a couple of days I’ll feel better or at least more at home.
I did yoga and holy crap, forward bends are easier.
Went out for walk, didn’t get very far.–In between yoga and walking, fog rolled in like a sneeze, not as thick as a Colorado “we don’t get fog!” fog, but still kind of startling. I made it about half a mile and turned around. I was just too upset. Feverish. It’s weird not to feel that burning-hair feeling, to feel more balanced and mobile from the core outward, and yet still pissed enough to shank a fucker. Isn’t being this angry and hurt supposed to make me feel like a bad person? Like if I don’t shut myself down something bad will happen?
I’m sure lots of people who have traveled this road would just smile and say “welcome to the club,” but it’s a first for me.
It’s weird not being tied up in knots. I need more tissues and I’m out of juice. I want to take the day off today. I probably won’t. The only way out is through. Plus I read the last line I wrote last night and it put a smile on my face.
I did a bunch of Midjourney yesterday, some good experiments. The one that I was doing because why not? has turned into something particularly weird. I had one image, of two extremely–nay, *excessively*–white women in two different renaissance wood panels with two different backgrounds, that I thought was producing some interesting jewelry.
I had a weird thought: could I get the two women to move into the same panel? Answer: I could! Instead of being side by side with their shoulders sort of cut off, I got them to show up with the same background and their shoulders overlapping, one in front of the other.
Then, because I can’t leave things alone, I kept going. Many, many variations down multiple forking branches later, they have each put a hand on each other’s arm, held hands, and lowered their necklines dramatically. One of them has become androgynous Angelic James McEvoy, Virginia Woolf has shown up, and they are very much *not* looking at each other.
Normally, after this many variations, Midjourney would be melting down and giving them wonky eyes and fucked-up ears.
But no. I like to think that Midjourney and I are both rooting for these too-white doofuses to get together at some point, or at least kiss. I’ll wait to post about them until things go off the rails, one way or the other.