What’s the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see ’em?

I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

Calvin : You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes : What mood is that?
Calvin : Last-minute panic.

“Since September it’s just gotten colder and colder. There’s less daylight now, I’ve noticed too. This can only mean one thing – the sun is going out. In a few more months the Earth will be a dark and lifeless ball of ice. Dad says the sun isnt going out. He says its colder because the earth’s orbit is taking us farther from the sun. He says winter will be here soon.
Isn’t it sad how some people’s grip on their lives is so precarious that they’ll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?”

Girls are like slugs – they probably serve some purpose, but it’s hard to imagine what.

“(10:16) Forgot what debate was about. Medals of bravery awarded to all parties.”

Who was the first guy that look at a cow and said, “I think that I’ll drink whatever comes out of those things when I squeeze them?”

“County library? Reference desk, please. Hello? Yes, I need a word definition. Well, that’s the problem. I don’t know how to spell it and I’m not allowed to say it. Could you just rattle off all the swear words you know and I’ll stop you when…Hello?”

FLUSSH! Whee! Ha Ha Ha. -Mom, I’m done with my bath now.

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child…she said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.

I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas.

Obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity.

“But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He’s one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!”

“I try to make everyone’s day a little more surreal.”

There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.

Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I’ll have a witty and blistering retort! You’ll be devastated THEN!

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

Calvin and Hobbes stips.

The Complete Calvin and Hobbes.

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