I got more in-depth comments from Lee yesterday for Feather. Good ones. From what I understand, he felt the story was well-written for its purpose, but that the purpose itself needed to be questioned. There were lots of things that I was trying make the reader think, but I don’t yet have much that I’m trying to make the reader feel. In addition, he felt the dramatic tension could be heightened.
He suggested more action; I countered with psychological torture.
Since the story isn’t very long (1500 words), I’m thinking of concentrating on two different things to fill those two different points. One, in order to give the story more “feel,” I’m going to change the additude of the protagonist toward another character from contempt transforming to hate into infatuation to hate. Two, in order to increase the drama, I’m going to change the state of mind of the protagonist from apparently sane transforming to questionably sane into apparently sane to probably mad. I don’t know if point two is going to help, per se: we’ll see.
…And he had noticed the pun. He said he’d hoped it was unintentional.