The Friday Nite Game, Part the Second.
When we left our heroes, Nice Guy and Tinfoil Avenger had just flown away from the decapitated headquarters of the Supreme Squad, and Cornfield Commando, Black Squirrel, and Ol’ Lady Johnson had just hauled off a posse o’ hoodlums to the nearest police precint in Megalopolis. We still haven’t heard anything from the Supreme Squad, or from Splorch and Mr. Floofy. That must be some lineup at the donut shop…
ZZZT! The walkie-talkie on Nice Guy’s belt comes to life. Who could it be but Mayor Johnson, turning to the…other…superhero team of Megalopolis in the time of the city’s greatest need? Well, nobody. It was Mayor Johnson, supid.
Mayor Jonson tells Nice Guy that he needs the team (“Nice Guy and His Nice Friends!” says Nice Guy) to meet him at city hall as soon as possible. Nice Guy and the Tinfoil avenger contact the other three non-donut memebers of the team. Cornfield Commando, Black Squirrel, and Ol’ Lady Johnson race away in the ’87 Nova. Black Squirrel calls shotgun: she’s a little leary of Gilbert, who may be a nice doggy most of the time, isn’t to be trusted, especially not when it comes to drooling.
She has her cleavage to think of, after all. She has to look her best when she’s rescuing the Supreme Squad. Some of those guys are hot…
Everyone arrives at city hall. Mayor Johnson announces that he’s received a VCR tape from someone who claims to have abducted the Supreme Squad. He rolls the tape…
The picure comes up on a familiar mask: our heroes would remember those beedy little faceted eyes anywhere. Yes, it’s Dung Beetle, that not-so-mega-villain that our heroes almost mananged to capture a year ago. What is that he’s saying? That he’s captured the Supreme Squad? That it was none other that stole their base? That he wants…one billion dollars? (Everyone, in real life, puts their pinkies up to their lips, a la Dr. Evil, at this point.)
Our heroes stare at each other in stunned disbelief. It must be the lack of sugar…
Where are those damn donuts anyway?
Mayor Johnson says, “We should be receiving a second tape in a few minutes–how he wants the money, I suppose. We have one hour before…before he’ll kill them all. Uh, what’s your name again?”
“Nice Guy and his Nice–” Nice Guy begins, but the mayor interrupts him.
“Nevermind. Do what you can, uh, guys, do what you can.”
Our heroes mull around for a little bit, throwing out ideas, when suddenly Ol’ Lady Johnson suggests that they start lookin’ near the pit where the base used to be. “‘S pretty big hole in the ground,” she says. As if that made any sense. Nevertheless, for lack of anything other leads, that’s what our heroes decide to do.
Arriving at the former base of the Supreme Squad, Ol’ Lady Johnson decides she needs to use the little girl’s room at a nearby gas station. She hobbles away as the rest of the team investigates the site, which seems to be…yup. It is. It’s a big hole in the ground. And…the whole building seems to be missing.
The water mains have been diverted, but the sewer lines haven’t been repaired yet. The bottom of the pit is filled with muck and…more muck.
Suddenly, there’s a rumble in the earth. Nothing shakes, but everything moves: streaming out of a couple of the truncated sewer lines are bugs. Lots of them. About the size of a superhero’s head, and you know how big that is.
Tinfoil Avenger, deciding that a bunch of bugs seems relatively harmless, flies into the thick of them, hardly noticing that their antennae begin to hum and throb with a dull yellow-brown energy, hardly noticing, that is, until….ZORCH!
Spiralling out of control and streaming a trail of black smoke, the Tinfoil Avenger falls…falls…falls right into the muck at the bottom of the pit. Right on his face. He twitches once and begins to sink.
The beetles (for that’s the insect they most resemble) gather, pause as if verifying their location, rotate to face outward in a great circle, beat thir wings a little faster, and PREEEOW! shoot off in various directions all over the city. Before anyone can make a move, they’re gone. Nice Guy picks up his walkie talkie and calls Ol’ Lady Jones to get her butt back over to the pit. She admonishes him to patience in the way that only Ol’ Lady Johnson can: “What? What? I ain’t gone yet. You just cain’t hurry bladders at my age. Shaddap already!” Nice Guy sighs, puts away his walkie-talkie, and prepares to rescue Tinfoil Avenger from the deep puddles of….muck at the bottom of the pit.
Suddenly, spattering globs of…muck…all over the faces of everyone standing at the edge of the pit, a mysterious hero (one of the Big Guys) erupts from the bottom of the pit. It’s Black Iron! He has, yet again, appeared just as the Tinfoil Avenger (that schmuck) has been shot down. Eh. No big loss, not when Black Iron is around. His armor gleams almost as brightly as the glint off Nice Guy’s teeth. He’s mega, he’s built, and he’s hot.
Black Squirrel starts drooling. As Black Iron lands near our heroes, she sidles up to him and starts purring (nevermind, that’s cats, isn’t it?).
Ol’ Lady Johnson finally comes out of the can and starts hobbling toward the group. Gilbert, having just drunk from the toilet, gallops his way toward his favorite member of the team, Nice Guy. Gilbert (who isn’t a dog you want to piss off) buries his head in NIce Guy’s crotch, distracting him as he tries to consider what to do. The members of the team pause, scratch their heads, and gasp as they simultaneously come up with the same idea: “Hey guys,” they shout, “let’s go down into the sewers!”