This morning’s yoga, I practiced praising myself like a little kid wants to be praised. “Oooh, good job! Hahaha, just keep going. Look at you, standing on one foot!”
I was feeling upset about something and hit one of the warrior poses (I never remember which is which) where I finally settled into a sense of self-affirmation: it’s not my job to manage other people’s emotions. I don’t have to be less so they can feel like they’re enough. That’s on them.
Out on the walk, I ran into some flowers that the bees liked, too, so I stopped to check in and say hi and do a quick prayer. I didn’t feel right taking a photo so I didn’t. The prayer was about giving and receiving.
On the way home I ended up repeating:
My heart is a garden
I think it’s mostly zucchini at this point
If zucchini had more pokey bits
But tasted more like chocolate
I’m not sure what to do with all this produce
Or maybe it’s weeds–yeah, weeds–
Or mysterious seeds from China
Sent in hopes of a favorable review
Today, I’m facing a scene that I know is the right thing to do but that seems impossible to write well, and may toss a lot of people out of the book.
I keep hearing imaginary voices criticizing me for even considering it.
“You’re just making this up. This isn’t how it works. You can’t say this kind of thing. This isn’t a real thing.”
Well, sorry, wherever these imaginary voices are coming from, it DOES work like that, or it CAN work like that, and I’m not writing anything actually new, just integrating known information from different disciplines. As a fiction author, I *don’t* need to have fully-funded research studies behind me in order to write about whatever I want, and I’m gonna choose my precious characters over the likes of wherever this negativity is coming from.
I’m gonna write the scene. I’ll be writing scared and nervous, but I’ll be writing it nonetheless. I might talk about it later, but I don’t want to vent too much now before I write it.
Wish me luck!