I turned ninety degrees off my yoga routine this morning, doing a sun salute, then mostly forward bends and a lot of things to stretch out my shoulders. Back bends. Afterwards I felt anxious and fearful, then (out on the walk) like I’d built up too much muscle too quickly in my shoulders again.
Did I, though? Signs point to no, since I haven’t been doing anything differently that would lead to some kind of sudden muscle development back there.
I think when I did the stuff that felt chest-opening yesterday, it freaked me out on some level, and part of me is struggling to regain control, while also trying to regain that feeling from yesterday, which was nice.
The muscles on either side of my neck (the ones that lead down to the tops of my shoulders) are still tight, but not as tight as they usually are, and the wandering tension that haunts my back moved downward as I was walking, from the bra strap area almost to the small of my back. “I got you, fucker.” I feel like I’m chasing something so I can get rid of it or release it or consume it, and it’s almost in my grasp.
The walk went well. It was one of those days where I felt like the layer between this world and, say, Faerie, was very thin. It was cloudy when I got up, very hazy. Plus I’ve been in a very music-oriented mood lately, and that tends to go along with a sort of hypnotic state. Anyway, I’m usually pretty good with that kind of mental state but I stuck pretty close to areas I’ve walked a lot recently. This morning I found an unending stream of things that I hadn’t noticed before; it was like I had a different “eye.”
Today’s been a lot of work on a scene that suddenly turned dark (thus the mood I’m in right now!). I was trying to figure out why a particular character would even get involved in the stuff that’s happening in the story. It would be the right thing to do, but that’s not really what motivates him. I ended up throwing him against another character who was actually corrupt in the way that people get when they don’t want to see bad shit going on around them, and it made her really contemptible.–Every time I run into that in real life, I feel ill.
Like, I’m no angel, but WOW some people can turn a blind eye to anything.
This female character tried to push the POV character to look aside, too; he was so squicked out by it that he kind of went, “It’s stupid to get involved but it’s better than turning out like this @#$%.”
So…found his motivation. But I’m also walking around and going Bleahhhhhh…
“As long as it’s not me who’s hurt by it…I’ll let the monsters in the house.”
I’m continuing to watch Legion and am now on the first ep of Season 2. Still liking it. The sound design is FREAKING AMAZING. When I watch this again (which I will, unless the end of the series completely sucks), I’m going to stop and try to figure out how the sound design is being used to screw with my head. Also, I think they’re pulling a reference to GLaDOS from the Portal games in S2E1. Tons of references and riffs on things. I feel like the writers have read Ted Sturgeon among the rest of the obvious things. I think S3 is supposed to explore guru-ness. I’m hoping to see Sturgeon’s symbol next season somewhere.