Tools for happiness
I’ve been brainstorming “tools for happiness” to put in The Therapy Book (that is, the fiction WIP) over the last week or two. Not that I’m sure how to define happiness. It’s sort of a chicken-and-the-egg situation, where I have to make this list in order to define what I’m making the list about.
The “rules” are:
–Has to come from a place of long-term personal happiness rather than short-term pick-me-ups (for example, mastering a craft rather than “doing crafts”)
–Has to lead to a healthier society rather than a more selfish OR restrictive one
No particular order, except that “agree to disagree” seems fundamental somehow; I ran into someone else saying that recently and felt quite validated. Some repetition:
Agree to disagree
Acknowledge differences and find their benefits
Taking initiative, even if the results aren’t what’s desired
Savoring the relationship/membership
Accepting responsibility for the in-group in “your” area of expertise; leadership
Knowing self, through separating from that sense of “self”
Self-parenting skills: emotional regulation/self-soothing, unconditional acceptance, self-discipline–all of those things coexisting
Acting in accordance with values
Faith where logic fails (not religion but well-placed trust)
Acceptance of the existence of death and other endings
Some sort of larger-than-self perspective (multiverse thinking, big/little scale thinking)
Play, co-play
Checking in/reporting status
Shared pleasures & hobbies
Good health
Release of trauma
Purging assholes who can’t control their behavior, holding them accountable instead of preserving the relationship at all costs
Primate-grooming behaviors: touch, compliments, validation, sympathy, memes
Patience, waiting for someone to process/practice/learn rather than trying to “fix” them (that person might be yourself, anyway)
Humor (gently!) to bypass fear, rather than to isolate outsiders
Looking for shared advantage, connection
Repetition, practice, time spent (on a process, with a person)
Loyalty
Vulnerability
A place for everyone, with flexibility of place
Flow state/in the groove
Paying attention
No-thought
Boredom
Beginner’s mind/resets (on some level?) Refreshing the mind so you’re back to first-level internal bullshit, instead of stacking bullshit thought on top of bullshit thought, anyway.
Mentorship relationships
Generosity: almost more the ability to receive it than to give it
Boundaries set for self, not others
The ability to say no; the ability to negotiate; the ability to apologize
Taking in, responding deeply to, and making creative work (but not all creative work? there’s something to be mindful about here, but I’m not sure how to say it–some work is there to play on your fears and increase them and not to process/relieve them?)
Exposing the self to the possibility of being wrong, making course corrections
Proper grief, patiently allowing yourself to feel pain without stacking pain on top of pain
Threading the maze/pantsing/boostrapping: being unable to resolve something as you are, making necessary changes, grieving the self left behind, and continuing forward
The feeling of being understood
The feeling of contributing, particularly in the way one likes best
Letting thoughts be just thoughts and feelings just be feelings
Experimenting rather than needing to succeed
Failing faster and more efficiently, with fewer repetitions
Trying new things and responding genuinely, instead of from fear
Seeing from other people’s perspectives (instead of just going, “That person is nuts”)
Setting aside filters/masks as a mark of trust
Letting time pass between event and reaction
Seeking nuance wherever your spot black-and-white thinking
Getting rid of stuff you no longer want or need
Taking time to clean, repair, rest, maintain
Meditation/mindfulness
Hydrate properly on a regular basis
Treats as treats, not replacements
–I feel like in order for this list to be useful, it has to be condensed down to something that’s clearer about underlying principles. But it was quite pleasant to write all these down. I’ll probably come up with more.
Got any others?
…
I asked Midjourney what the tools for happiness were. I’m not mad about the result.
I am not prepared to be someone on a “health journey,” because most of what I’m focused on is my mental health at this point, but I would also show off my high kick. Better. It’s slowly getting less embarrassing just to TRY doing them, is probably the important part.