You don’t get badges for being a parent, but you should. Like “My Child Survived to Adulthood Only Because I Didn’t Kill Him (or Her).” Like “Did the Sex Talk.” Like “Made it through Flu Season with a Two-Year Old without a Direct Hit.”

Here’s the badge I want: The “Fox In Sox Adult Recognition” Badge.

I can read Fox in Sox without a major screwup, and another adult has witnessed and recognized this fact.

I can blab that blibber-blubber. My tongue is too made of rubber.


We have since had the “shit” talk.

Ray: What shit?

Me: Shit is poop when you’re really mad.

Ray: Shit!

Me: Are you mad?

Ray: No mad.

Me: Then just say poop.

Ray: Okay. Pooooop pooop pooooooooop!

Me: Good job.

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