Month: December 2005

Christmas.

You know, this is the fourth time I’ve started to write this paragraph, and I’m done messing around. I keep trying to say something uplifting, edifying, or at least amusing about the benefits of having a relaxed, laid-back, unworried Christmas, but it isn’t working. We had a hermit’s Christmas, which was A-OK with me. Having Lee out until 11:30 p.m. working at Best Buy, then suddenly having him get the new job and trying to work out all the bugs of making a change from a one-car, no-daycare home to a two-car, day-care home has worn out my ability to fuss with Christmas stuff, or even to worry that I might not be doing a good enough job.

Who cares?

Lee and I celebrated in our delight of being able to give each other stuff (which, because we’d been broke for such a long time, actually does make me happy), and Ray was overjoyed with all the stuff she got. (Mom, she loved the Barbie clothes, and Mary, she has dressed and undressed that thing pretty much continuously.) I was flat-out relieved to have Lee home with me at last. This is the first time that we’ll have the same schedule since we met ten years ago. He’s here.

One of the chicas at work said, “This job is the best Christmas present you’ll get this year, isn’t it?” Oh, yeah.

Heh.

So there we were, staring at each other.

“What?” I said.

Lee looks at his computer screen. Something’s loading. He looks at me. I look at my computer screen. Something’s loading. I look at him.

“Are we just staring at each other while our stuff is loading?” I ask.

In his best hillbilly drawl, he says: “Ah gotta look at somethin’. I guess Ahl just look at mah wife.”

Woot!

Lee got the job!

Naked!

Here’s a childhood photo that my future sister-in-law posted. Not one of her childhood photos, no…

I’m the one with the long hair.

Cute Overload.

The name of the website says it all:

Cute Overload.

Although they could have gone with cute overlord, I guess.

I didn’t find this recipe on purpose.

Spam Primavera:

* Exported from MasterCook *

SPAM PRIMAVERA

Recipe By :
Serving Size : 8 Preparation Time :0:00
Categories : Misc

Amount Measure Ingredient — Preparation Method
———————————————————-
1 cn Spam, cut in strips
2 Carrots, thinly sliced
1 Zucchini, thinly sliced
1/4 c Finely chopped onion
1 Garlic clove, minced
6 tb Olive oil, divided
1 9 oz package linguini-cooked
1/2 c Grated parmesan cheese
2 tb Lemon juice
1/4 ts White pepper

1. In a large skillet, cook Spam, carrots, zucchini, onion and garlic in 3
Tbsps olive oil until vegetables are crisp and tender.

2. Toss together linguini, vegetable mixture, parmesan cheese, 3T olive
oil, and lemon juice until well coated. Serve immediately.

Source: Geo. A Hormel Co, 1992

More Murderous Trivia.

“In certain plant foods, including almonds, millet sprouts, lima beans, soy, spinach, bamboo shoots, and cassava roots (which are a major source of food in tropical countries), cyanides occur naturally as part of sugars or other naturally-occurring compounds. However, the edible parts of plants that are eaten in the United States, including tapioca which is made from cassava roots, contain relatively low amounts of cyanide.”

I’m working on something really fun right now…

We Can Remember It for You Wholesale.

Tired of waiting for the aliens to sweep you off your feet? Lacking a satellite? No problem! Call Alien Abductions Incorporated!

When you choose an AAI Abduction Experience our doctors, hypnotists, and memory implant technicians work with you in pre-abduction orientation sessions to customize one of our hundreds of stock abductions to suit your personal taste. You can even pick one of our fetishist’s specials–interspecies breeding, medical experimentation–it’s all up to you. Whether you select a solo abduction or one of our special Group Abduction packages (great for corporate retreats, school groups, and theme parties), AAI gives you the best abduction for the lowest price.

And here is one of their tesimonials.

Murder and Mayhem
A Doctor Answers Medical and Forensic Questions for Mystery Writers
By D. P. Lyle, M.D.

I picked this up at the library. I was looking for the answer to a question, “Is there a poison that fakes death, kind of like the one in Romeo and Juliet?” Imagine my surprise when I flipped through the book and found the section heading, “Is there a drug or poison that mimics death but allows the vitim to survive?”

No, wait. It gets better:

“You’re going to love this. Zombie Powder. Yes, Zombie Powder. It is the toxin of the puffer fish, also called the blowfish. The toxin is called tetradontoxin or tetradotoxin (I’ve seen it written as either and also abbreviated as TTX), and it is found in the ovaries of the blowfish. The toxin is not destroyed by cooking, but if the entrails are removed before preparation, the fish itself is harmless.

“In Japan the dish is prepared in a manner that leaves little of the toxin behind. It is called fugu and is a delicacy. The residual toxin, in small doses, gives the diner a flushed and tingly feeling…”

Amazing!

The rest of the book is like that. A few other sections: “Could Death by Bleeding Be Delayed by Several Days?” “How Long Can Someone Survive in a Freezer?” “How Dangerous Is It to Transport Heroin in a Swallowed Condom?” “How Long Does It Take for an Unburied Body to Skeletonize?” “How Is Body Weight Determined in a Quadruple Amputee?”

Each section is written thoroughly (as far as I can tell–Lyle goes beyond the literal question and looks at it from a plot perspective, adding extra detail) and entertainingly. The original questions appeared in a mystery-writers’ newsletter, rather than in a medical journal and are nicely pitched to the audience. Highly recommended for the torture and abuse of one’s characters.

NaNoWriMo.

November is National Novel Writing Month. I decided not to participate in the big project, but it was still an interesting month. I took a month off from my novel. I realized about mid-month that work wasn’t going to get any better, and started to work on starting up a part-time freelance writing business. I participated in a surprisingly good shared novel-length collection of stories called Stories from the Land’s End Hotel and Resort–ten writers and a lovely lurker–and wrote six short stories (over 10K words). I wrote two more stories, including the first of the Beauregard PI stories. I worked on a newsletter for my folks.

In a month.

Eye-opening.

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