I have this talent for sideways time, so when I graduated from high school, I got recruited by TimeLines Unlimited, Inc. Which is just a glorified bus company, for shuttling people around. Since most people can’t do sideways time, we just load ’em up on the bus and let them “sleep” the whole time I’m driving. Poof! Instantaneously in New York City. Poof! Instantaneously in Dallas! While yours truly spends twenty-seven hours driving their corpselike bodies from here to there.

I’m based out of Omaha. Great place. Better than Sioux City, anyway. I don’t complain–much–I mean, I could be driving cows. Live cows. Dead cows. Pigs are scary. Some of them don’t sleep.

Anyway, I was on the route from New-New Orleans to Minneapolis and all stops between, just minding my own business, when I noticed one of the passengers was awake. Bugger, thinks I. I won’t be able to stop in Memphis and boost a few ribs this trip. But I keep driving, because I don’t want to let him know that I know, you know?