Queries and Blurbs: A Bitch

Yes, something specific is setting me off this morning.  No, that case is not the only one, so I’m not going to name names, even privately.  It’s just that’s what’s getting me today.

Dear writers,

You are not selling infodumps.

Infodumps are not a selling tool.

Far be it from me to say I’m a) the best damned writer ever or b) the best damned cover-letter, query-letter, back-cover blurb, elevator-pitch, summary, synopsis, proposal, etc. writer in the land, or even a good one.

However, making your marketing materials as boring as all @#$% is not an effective selling tool.  Yes, you feel a driving need to explain every @#$%^& thing in your @#$%^&* book.  Whoop de @#$%^& do.

You are selling entertainment.  If all your selling tools aren’t entertaining, what the @#$% are you doing?

Selling perfectly accurate infodumps that are making your target markets tune you out an move on elsewhere.

Do you laugh when you read your marketing materials?  Cry?  Shudder?  Does the main character’s voice start chattering on in your head?  Get into goddamned creative mode when you’re writing your marketing shit, because this is just painful to read, and it’s painful to read it going downhill as you take on more and more comments from your “editors,” who want you to chase down this detail, that detail…


One rule for entertainers:  Don’t Be Boring.

Are you writing boring stories?  No.

So don’t write @#$%^& boring marketing materials by letting other people nitpick you to death, explaining everything, adding a bunch of words that don’t mean anything, and in general, letting the juice get sucked out of you.




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