It’s not you, or rather it’s not you you.
Every time you want to change a habit, there’s a price to pay. The number of days before you can establish a habit varies wildly. Adding workload to your brain uses a disproportionate amount of calories. The cycle of adapting to change is practically the same one that you go through for grief. It’s so close that businesses are advised to use the Kubler-Ross model of the five stages of grief in order to coach their employees through a big business change.
Every time you try to bump up your wordcount, you are:
- Trying to establish a new habit
- While effectively on an unexpected diet
- While going through a grieving process.
I’m trying to bump up my wordcount–to make it more consistent. I’m going through all this. It’s drama. I’m trying not to splatter it all over my family and friends. But I still feel it.
This is hard, and some of the mechanics of your brain are fighting you on a subconscious level. You’re not a bad writer, this isn’t pointless, and yes, you can do this. Probably you should expect to eat a few extra cookies while you’re doing it, though.