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Zen monks shave their heads, don’t they? The new Disturbed album, “Ten Thousand Fists” is out. A quote from “The Gateless Gate,” a very old Zen text: ‘Joshu went to a hermit’s and asked, “What’s up? What’s up?”(=”Have you any Zen?”) The hermit lifted up his fist. Joshu said, “The water is too shallow to […]

D— it. I finally got to see Kaylee. I brought my camera. I took 0 pictures. This speaks volumes of my ability to focus on anything except the cuteness that is Kaylee’s little head, which still smells like baby head.

Bush Every time I see one of those ubiquitous “W” stickers, I ask, “Did you get what you wanted yet? Or are you just getting what you asked for?” Commentary on Katrina by the wise and wonderful Marn. It’s going to be Bugs Bunny in the carrot patch. Again.

Fictional Truth. Just as when a character says “the plan is…” it indicates that things will not go according to plan, when a characters says, “we know that…” whatever follows is wrong, wrong, wrong. This goes double (for six wrongs) if anyone agrees.

Steven Wright. I hurt myself at work today, laughing so hard: Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film. Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Shark Boy and Lava Girl: Children’s movies should be rated on a scale of one to five based on the number of times you can stand to sit through the movie in a theater. Second-run theaters count. The parental survival rate after three viewings of SBLG is 100%. Three stars.

Would you like a baguette? I’m at Panera Bread, trying to order a cup of chai. There’s nobody at the bakery counter, so I stand in line at the cafe counter. Someone comes out from the back of the house and starts sweeping the bakery, so I ask her if I can get a cup

From Scientific American,September 2004: In an article about how nitrates may actually be beneficial: “The story of nitrate’s positive side began ni 1994, when Jon Lundberg of the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm and Nigel Benjamin of Peninsula Medical School of Exeter, Englind, independently observed that the human stomach harbos large amounts of the gas nitric

Grrr… I hate autumn. Lee’s discussed this with me, telling me about all the good things that autumn brings. Cooler temperatures, the crispness in the air, the turning of the leaves, etc. I concede that autumn itself isn’t so bad. But I still hate autumn, because of what happens to me every frikkin’ year. I

Aha! moveable feast n : a religious holiday that falls on different dates in different years from Dictionary.com. That is, Easter and the like. Now I know.