The Uncanny Adventures of Mrs. Kurtz, Part One (Continued, ep. 2)

Actually, it wasn’t that long; the message cycled after three minutes.

The voice was male and pitched very softly, almost in a whisper or moan:

You probably aren’t familiar with my name, but it’s Jim T. Biggins, and I’m one of the national directors of Omega, The Last Word in Cable. I supervise human resources, and I’m responsible for–I know there’s nothing I can say to make you believe me, but Omega Cable isn’t what you think it is anymore.

YOUR CALL IS VERY VALUABLE TO US. YOUR EXPECTED WAIT TIME IS TWENTY MINUTES. ALL CALLS ARE ANSWERED IN THE ORDER IN WHICH THEY ARE RECEIVED. DO NOT HANG UP AND CALL AGAIN, AS THIS WILL ONLY EXTEND YOUR WAIT TIME. YOUR CALL MAY BE MONITORED FOR QUALITY PURPOSES. THANK YOU FOR CALLING OMEGA SERVICES, THE LAST WORD IN CABLE!

It’s being overrun by aliens. From outer space. I thought…I thought I was doing the right thing. Our stock was going down because we couldn’t hire staff quickly enough to keep up with the demands of good customer service.

IF YOU ARE HAVING PROBLEMS WITH AN INTERNET E-MAIL PROGRAM, CLOSE OUT OF ALL YOUR PROGRAMS, SHUT DOWN YOUR COMPUTER, WAIT FIVE MINUTES, AND REBOOT YOUR COMPUTER. IF YOU CONTINUE TO HAVE PROBLEMS, PLEASE STAY ON THE LINE.

“Did you tell them our Internet was broke like I told you?” Marcus yelled from the back door, where he was up to his elbows in dirty motor oil and spilt beer.

“Shaddap!” Mrs. Kurtz yelled. “This is getting weirder than the public access channel at two a.m.”