March 2007

Collectively Speaking…

It’s a(n): Outback of AussiesShrewdness of ApesCongress of BaboonsConvulsion of Belly DancersBellowing of BullfinchesClowder of CatsGulp of CormorantsQuicksand of Credit CardsRash of DermatologistsMob of EmuHoard of GerbilsImplausibility of GnuSkein of GeeseWealth of InformationHusk of JackrabbitNeverthriving of JugglersPuddling of MallardsSet of MathematiciansBuffoonery of OrangutansPandamonium of ParrotsRhumba of RattlesnakesHarem of SealsHurtle of SheepBlessing of Unicorns

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Better

Ray’s in the shower, playing a recorder (I keep hoping it’ll help drown her out). I wonder if all parents of children who are just starting to play musical instruments have to treat their kids like burn victims. Don’t worry, honey. It’ll get better.

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This is what happens…

…when our secretary runs out of gummi bears. Where have all the gummi bears gone, and where is all the gum?Who ate all my jelly beans (except the licorice ones)?Weren’t there some skittles on top of the TV?Late at night, everything’s closed, and I’m craving something sweet… I need a sugar rush! Please note I

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Women and Guns.

To me, guns are not appealing. They’re loud. I can conceive of them going awry much more easily than I can of them doing what they’re supposed to. They smell weird. No, in my writerly imagination, people are more often poisoned than they are shot — it’s so easy to carry on everyday behavior in

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Pet Shop Boys

The problem with the Pet Shop Boys is that the lead singer always reminds me of Eric Idle. Some things in life are badThey can really make you madOther things just make you swear and curse.When you’re chewing on life’s gristleDon’t grumble, give a whistleAnd this’ll help things turn out for the best… And…always look

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Don’t eat the Jello!

Not only do the cops have to watch out for copycat killers, but the editors have to watch out for copycat writers, I bet: Prosecutors said tests on their bodies showed they were poisoned with ethylene glycol, a sweet but odorless chemical in antifreeze. During Turner’s 2004 trial they suggested it could have been placed

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